I must confess that I was nervous on my way to my first-ever meeting with my fellow Playwrights.
I had made the noob mistake of stalking everyone online beforehand and as a result, had just managed to make myself feel intimidated by how much more experienced and accomplished everyone else seemed.
Yes, I am well aware that you should, apparently, not compare yourself to others, but hear me out. I don’t think it is as negative a thing to do as is so commonly made out to be.
Probably because I watch far too much anime, where the protagonist is always comparing themselves to their friend, mentor or nemesis, working insanely hard and fighting against the odds to become better, stronger and improve themselves exponentially from where they once were. And of course, they always achieve their goal and become the strongest they can possibly be by the end, due to relentless determination and resilience.
Or maybe it is because of my upbringing where I have always felt less-than, that doors are being closed in my face, feeling that everyone else is in a boat with a map, whilst I am splashing about and swimming against the tide. So, I am always looking to try to find out how on earth everyone else manages to get by and succeed in what they want to do in this crazy world. Determined that if I just keep going, if I never give up, I will succeed out of pure bloody-mindedness.
Or, maybe I am overthinking everything. Or maybe all three of the things… And some.
So, looking to those who have travelled the path before me makes sense to me. Looking for my Jiraiya or my Hashira in life (anime references. Sorry, not sorry) and wanting to do better helps me improve.
But not in moments of insecurity. That is me feeling less than. That is the me I need to overcome. In the programme, we are all playwrights. We are all different in our backgrounds, journeys, and preferences and yet the same in our artistic calling and need to write. And I love that we have been brought together. I feel so much less alone and as if I have been thrown a rope to grab in this turbulent ocean.
Our first meeting was to introduce ourselves and discover how the programme and our meetings would work going forward. We talked about what we were watching and reading and what inspired us. We had to be inched out of the meeting room at the end, all seemingly excited and eager to begin our journey and not wanting to leave so soon.
I am looking forward to learning from my mentors at HighTide and my fellow playwrights. I feel enthused with positive and creative energy, resulting in my writing more over the past few weeks and playing around with new stories and ideas. I hope to keep the momentum up throughout the year. I cannot wait for the next meeting. I cannot wait to create something new to share with the world.