Actor’s Covid-19 Quarantine – Week Five – Still Alive

Reading Time: 8 minutes

Week five and things are getting serious. I have painted almost all the things I can paint, cleaned the things I can be bothered to clean, moved things, replaced things and hung stuff up. I’ve even started working on the garden to plant some veg. Now, I think it’s time for me to get back to the real work. As far as I can in the Coronapocolypse…

Quarantine Day 29

Monday 20 April 2020 –  Still Climbing Trees

My washing machine was casualty numero uno, then the door fell off my fridge and is currently being held on by a sliver of rust. I’m doing a little wiggly wave in the air to say ‘bye bye savings’.

Are scientists 100% sure Covid-19 is a naturally-occuring, biological, airborne, virus? Has anyone double-checked to ensure that no one has opened a wormhole to an invasion of nanites intent on the dismantling of both humanity and our white goods. I’m looking at my freezer suspiciously.

Writing class faciliator checked on me to see if I was still alive, because I hadn’t been writing. Sent proof I was still alive by doing the latest exercise. Started to write a story about someone meeting a girl up a tree. Reaslied that this is the second time I’ve come back to a girl sitting up a tree. First piece I wrote, that got performed on stage, was just that.

Made me wonder if the little girl, still playing with squirrels in my head, remembers spending many hours climbing trees. Is she trying to tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop getting distracted by all the shiny things and get myself unstuck.

So, back to work, proper, tomorrow. Getting up early (*shudder*, oh god, did I really just say that out loud). Setting an embarressing number of alarms on multiple devices to ensure it happens.

Quarantine Day 30

Tuesday 21 April 2020 –  Early Bird

After saying for three days, that I was going to get up to attend the London Writers Salon, I actually made it this morning. Can’t lie, it was painful waking up unnaturally, but I made it. *Isolation fist bump*
 
I am, most definitely, not a morning person, so I was feeling uber-smug to be up and working before breakfast. I never usually do anything pre-bacon, besides breath.
 
Took the plaster off my webcam for the ‘Zooming’, feeling all vulnerable and ready to expose my introvert face to the world, aaaaaand the webcam actually didn’t work, for reals. Honest to his noodliness.
 
I have a terrible feeling that I turned off the functionality in either the bios or the registry. But that was waaaay back when. Years before the before-time, even. So, I can’t remember what I did or how to reverse it. Flippityflip! Stay agile kids, but for the love of all that is ramen, do the documentation. *epic facepalms*
 
The Pastafarian Gods have turned their noodles from me… probably due to my shunning of empty carbs… but Odin was most definitely smiling on me today. I overheard the woman at Iceland saying she couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen only four people in the store at once. The catch from my basket-net was plentiful. In his honour, I shall smoosh a fishy sacrifice with my mighty spoon-hammer, into the cat food receptacle.
 
Wandered the Norwich, gorse, wasteland today. And it was good. Happy to see the area that we cleared of ferns, years before the before-time, is now bursting forth with heather #Rule32 Couldn’t help but notice, on the way, that the Garden Centre was flaunting itself to anyone and everyone who passed by. Odin give me strength to resist. The tempation to return across the vast sea of trees, in search of shrubbery, is strong.

 

Quarantine Day 31

Wednesday 22 April 2020 –  Say my Name

I may have permanantly disconnected my in-built webcam from my laptop, and myself, but I’ve now set my phone up as an external webcam instead. So, HAH! Workaround, in, your, face, fiendish tech!
 
Spent another two hours in the Zooming. Wrote some poetry stuff, about water trickling over pebbles. To fight my post-pandemic, writing procrastination, I signed up to even more writing groups. Would be a crime not to, seeing as everything is suddenly within my price range for once (Read: Free).
 
Soon I will be a member of so many Zoom meetings, that I will be online from morning to mid night, until eventually, I will be found, emaciated and exhausted, head on my writing book…. But my play will still not be finished.
 
Wanted to buy some lavendar, but the plants are so expensive to buy already grown, that today I decided to attempt to grow from seed instead. Already have the toilet roll plant pot, production line at stage 2, topped up with secret formula (includes sand sshhhhh). If the slugs and damp can just cool off their assaults into my territory, by this time next year, I will cook my Poundland packet of Lavandula Angustifolia into a decent sized crop of the blue stuff.

Quarantine Day 32

Thursday 23 April 2020 – Refreshing

Oh ffs! How is it Thursday already? Did we seriously **** something up? Has anyone been in contact with Cern?

I did my hour of ‘permitted’ exercise today. Saw floofy bulls, a wild Sunday lunch (pheasant) and a brick called Thistle. Unfortunately I was so far away from home by the time I’d finished, that I had no choice but to walk all the way back again. I am immensely happy, in spite of throbbing feet, sore legs and, to be quite honest, achey butt cheeks. I really needed that. And let’s face it, if I’d stayed home, I would have just refreshed the Tesco delivery page every two seconds, so it was a needed distraction.

Had a poetry task to do on my walk today, but didn’t get anything written down because it was so nice to be outside on a such a glorious, sunny day, that I simply could not be arsed. 

An opportunity arose, during my wanderings to make use of a noosed rope hanging from a tree, over the river. The temptation was overwhelming, but I resisted. As I walked away, I instantly regretted not swinging out into the warm air and bellyflopping into the cold riverwater. I mean, what did I have to lose? I would have probably dried out by the time I needed to get sausages from M&S anyway. Who’s going to care about me smelling of marsh water, when no one is going to come within two metres of me anyway.
 
Crossed Newmarket Road… not using a crossing. Now that would have been an achievement in the beforetimes. But today, I didn’t even need to look both ways. Sonface got many metres ahead of me, as I languished in the luxury of being in the middle of the road. If I lived there, it is highly likely that I would be planning how to descretely build an immovable, concrete barricade at either end, whilst there is still time and those in power seem unable to find their arse with both hands.

Quarantine Day 33

Friday 24 April 2020 – Grog! Grog! Grog!

Quarantine Day 33 Thanks to Avril, Coronapocolyspe Friday is now #DressLikeAPirateFriday. First Mate concurs, after initally being totally against the idea, she now wants to play dress-up and be a Pirate every day. Today has been full of fun and giggles. We have sailed a pirate ship and landed on an island. We stole treasure and drank grog (Well, pretend grog).

I suggested that maybe next week could be Fantastic Mr Fox day, where we could paint ourselves orange, steal chickens, sniff each others‘ butts and scream argh argh argh in the middle of the night but Offspring’s offspring was adament that this was a silly idea. I think I need to work on my theme suggestions.

Grandaughter gatecrashed my poetry Zoom this afternoon. We created poems using cut-out Poetry with Found Fiction. She got to read her poem to us ancient Zoomers. I hope the fame doesn’t go to her head. I think she is better at it than I am. I may have to make her walk the plank next week, before she starts considering mutiny.

That it really. Today was mostly pirate-ing, cleaning out the food storage facility, watching Fantastic Mr Fox, and talking about sticking a live, wriggling lamb onto the nature page of mini-descendent’s exercise book to show her teacher.  She burst into a giggle fit. These pint-sized nooblets have no respect for their Captains. We were isolated in our Pandemic vaults before some of them were even born.

Quarantine Day 34

Saturday 25 April 2020 – Herbs

Noticed that my Italian herbs are getting low. It wouldn’t have been an issue during the beforetimes, but in the Pandemic Tiger Tiger is closed. Calamity upon disaster, wrapped up in catastrophe. I might need to add basil, oregano and thyme to my ‘seeds to grow’ list. I could then start trading with those lucky feckers with south facing gardens, who probably already have their tomato saplings growing.

Things are getting tighter. By the time Coronapocalypse is over, I may have to move closer to Poundland, in a little shanty town consisting of all the other people who were self-employed in the beforetime. On the plus side, I am now in training to be a pirate. I may expand into highwaymanship due to my lack of ship, sea and treasure map. I will also need to Google how to make a pointy hat out of cardboard.

If the government do provide help before I start my own ye olde crime syndicate, it would turn the tide immensely. I could probably save enough money from no longer being able to access the house of coffee siren-song, to buy a small Caribbean island. Perhaps I could buy Richard’s off him, if he’s still struggling.

So many opportunities to see great theatre that I am struggling to keep up, but I did manage to catch up with ‘Love Never Dies’ tonight. Even though I didn’t like the music as much as in Phantom, and the plot felt more ‘soap opera’ than ‘Phantom of the Opera’, I did adore the circus staging and was blown away by the scene between the Phantom and Gustave…but …the end…. Just no! So, rushed and unsatisfying. Just keep the screen writing playbook for the screen please.

Quarantine Day 35

Sunday 26 April 2020 – Groundhog Day

It is 35… isn’t it? I feel I may have lost count. Repeated myself? Missed a day out? Added one or few?

Was trying to be all motivating today with Offspring’s offspring, whilst we were discussing ‘learning from home’ during the Coronapocolpyse, I told her that she could learn whatever she wanted. Not just the stuff school gave her to do. Then asked her, if she could choose anything in the world to learn, what would it be? …Thinking that I could help her learn almost anything she was likely to suggest.

Science, Humanities, Computing, Business, Languages… whatever… It’s not as if I’m short of time right now… and she’s seven, whilst I am a growed-up and can probably help facilitate learning of most things. She said, “bird calls” and proceeded to demonstrate what a seagull sounds like. Was not expecting that.

Won at Assassins’ Creed Monopoly and managed to bag Abstergo Entertainments. Well, I won on a technicality. But I still won. I don’t win much, so I will take (and roll around in) my triumphs wherever I can get them.

It was necessary to don hats during the game, so I played in Shrek ears. Forgot I was wearing them (they are quite snug and comfy) and returned to the study, which faces over the garden of the neighbours, who were basting themselves in sunrays like solar sausages.

Tiny descendent seemed to think the neighbours might see me and I should, therefore, be embarrassed. We had to agree to disagree. Nanny continued to wear said ears (and still is) and did not give a flip. Although writing about herself in third person is incredibly uncomfortable..

Actually did some planning today. I felt the need to get organised because I’ve signed up to so many things in the past week or two, that I am starting to lose track of which Zoom is what and when. Most excited about starting Chinese language classes again. For freeee. When/if lockdown ends. I am seriously going to cry. Not for the pre-pandemic ‘freedom’ that has been restored, but for the freedoms I will have lost.

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